why do I feel the need to have someone? Human nature.
why do I jump around from one to another? past.
am I done? YES.
Well here is what happened I started talking to a guy and we spent a lot of time together. But we weren't committed to each other and he had other girls I had other guys. Thanksgiving rolled around and I flew home. Spending time away and it hit me.. what am I doing? why ruin something so great? I really like him but neither of us would commit and I would rather be something he needs than something he can toss aside and replace. Unfortunatly he doesn't like irreplaceable things so I will have to work on that but I stand by my choice I want to be important to him. So I came to the conclusion that I would rather be friends with him than screw it up with pursuit of something that we both know wouldn't last.
Anyway there will be more posts on this soon hopefully going back to school won't change my point of view on this since I will be with him.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Calling all HOUSTONIANS!
i want a kitten.
grey and white.
if you have one
know where i could get one
or know someone i could get one from
COMMENT AND HELP ME GET A KITTY FOR MY FAMILY BEFORE CHRISTMAS
grey and white.
if you have one
know where i could get one
or know someone i could get one from
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Happy Thanksgiving to you all..
Today was a little bitter sweet for my family and I. One of our family members passed away early this morning. It was unexpected and put a damper on the day. My kitten, Button, was one of the things I loved most about coming home. He would snuggle with me at night and meow at me when he wanted food. I grew up with him and coming home in the future will not be the same without him. I remember I use to put him in my baby doll stroller and feed him milk from a bottle. That cat and I had so many adventures. I truly loved him, he was the peanut butter to my jelly, my milk to my cookies, my everything. Yes i realize to those who don't know him he was just a cat but if you were one of the few blessed to meet this little cat you know he is so much more than a cat. He was a character. He would sit in the corner of a room and stare you down.. he knew every thought you had, he knew how to get you to do exactly what he wanted, he even knew how to make an exit. That fat cat picked Thanksgiving of all days to die.. the day about food. He was incredible, he waited till I was home to pass and I am so thankful for that. I may not have been able to forgive myself if he had passed on when I wasn't there.
Button,
You were my true friend. Thick and thin, you were there for me and I will never be able to attempt to replace you. I will always have a piece of you with me and will never forget how incredible you were.
forever.
Today was a little bitter sweet for my family and I. One of our family members passed away early this morning. It was unexpected and put a damper on the day. My kitten, Button, was one of the things I loved most about coming home. He would snuggle with me at night and meow at me when he wanted food. I grew up with him and coming home in the future will not be the same without him. I remember I use to put him in my baby doll stroller and feed him milk from a bottle. That cat and I had so many adventures. I truly loved him, he was the peanut butter to my jelly, my milk to my cookies, my everything. Yes i realize to those who don't know him he was just a cat but if you were one of the few blessed to meet this little cat you know he is so much more than a cat. He was a character. He would sit in the corner of a room and stare you down.. he knew every thought you had, he knew how to get you to do exactly what he wanted, he even knew how to make an exit. That fat cat picked Thanksgiving of all days to die.. the day about food. He was incredible, he waited till I was home to pass and I am so thankful for that. I may not have been able to forgive myself if he had passed on when I wasn't there.
Button,
You were my true friend. Thick and thin, you were there for me and I will never be able to attempt to replace you. I will always have a piece of you with me and will never forget how incredible you were.
forever.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
B.
There is a new guy everyone :)
We went on a date last night and it was great, a little awkward as most first dates are but still incredibly good. so who knows where it is headed. I just hope he doesn't turn out like the last one..
We went on a date last night and it was great, a little awkward as most first dates are but still incredibly good. so who knows where it is headed. I just hope he doesn't turn out like the last one..
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Moment of Weakness
SORRY FOR MY RELAPSE GUYS!
I literally just broke down yesterday but i am back! bigger and better than ever! screw j. I don't need him. I found A :) My new pursuit fingers crossed guys! he is this nerdy adorable guy.. we had dinner together and word on the street is he couldn't take his eyes off of me! updates later
I literally just broke down yesterday but i am back! bigger and better than ever! screw j. I don't need him. I found A :) My new pursuit fingers crossed guys! he is this nerdy adorable guy.. we had dinner together and word on the street is he couldn't take his eyes off of me! updates later
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Emotional outlet of the day
Do you ever find yourself wondering what you are living for?
What is the point in this life? What are you suppose to do to make the most of it?
I found myself thinking a lot today.. just about what happened between J and I, it makes me sad and reading a beautiful disaster isn't helping AT ALL. Because through this book i have realized J was it when I am with someone else I don't feel that burst of excitement I use to. He damaged me when he told me he thought I acted that way with everyone.. because whenever I find someone I am interested in I find myself critiquing to see if I am. Do I smile the same? Feel a rush at the smallest touch? Crave a kiss? Inhale the scent of a long strong hug? The answer is no.. Sure in the moment I enjoy and flirt with the company, but in the end I compare. Compare to what was perfect for me, compare to what doesn't want me, compare to what thought I wasn't good enough. It is the human condition, we want what we can't have. I don't care who you are or what you think YOU ALWAYS WANT WHAT YOU DONT HAVE. I dyed my hair thinking I would have some peace of mind that if I did see him on campus he wouldn't see me, but since TFIOS (The Fault In Our Stars) I seem to project him everywhere from my mind, driving down the road he is in the denali behind me, walking to class he is the guy with his head down reading, at dinner he is the guy with his back to me entertaining a bunch of girls across the room. I thikn it is because in the TFIOS I saw him as Augustus, *SPOILER ALERT* throughout the book I saw augustus as James, but when he died at the end I realized the attitude I had about J was so untrue. I was literally crying my eyes out not because a wonderful character had died but because to me it was J. I had been telling myself he was dead to me, I would never let him back in but the truth is I would be devastated if anything bad ever happened to him. I guess that is what love is, the ability to care even when you aren't cared for. Of course it is heart breaking, to be in love but not loved in return, but I remind myself I don't need him. How can two things come together if only one is willing? Venting about it seems to relieve some of the pressure in my chest. I think no matter how strong I try to be I will always love him but I won't forget what he put me threw. There are plenty of others out there and I am not going to let him ruin my chance at happiness.
What is the point in this life? What are you suppose to do to make the most of it?
I found myself thinking a lot today.. just about what happened between J and I, it makes me sad and reading a beautiful disaster isn't helping AT ALL. Because through this book i have realized J was it when I am with someone else I don't feel that burst of excitement I use to. He damaged me when he told me he thought I acted that way with everyone.. because whenever I find someone I am interested in I find myself critiquing to see if I am. Do I smile the same? Feel a rush at the smallest touch? Crave a kiss? Inhale the scent of a long strong hug? The answer is no.. Sure in the moment I enjoy and flirt with the company, but in the end I compare. Compare to what was perfect for me, compare to what doesn't want me, compare to what thought I wasn't good enough. It is the human condition, we want what we can't have. I don't care who you are or what you think YOU ALWAYS WANT WHAT YOU DONT HAVE. I dyed my hair thinking I would have some peace of mind that if I did see him on campus he wouldn't see me, but since TFIOS (The Fault In Our Stars) I seem to project him everywhere from my mind, driving down the road he is in the denali behind me, walking to class he is the guy with his head down reading, at dinner he is the guy with his back to me entertaining a bunch of girls across the room. I thikn it is because in the TFIOS I saw him as Augustus, *SPOILER ALERT* throughout the book I saw augustus as James, but when he died at the end I realized the attitude I had about J was so untrue. I was literally crying my eyes out not because a wonderful character had died but because to me it was J. I had been telling myself he was dead to me, I would never let him back in but the truth is I would be devastated if anything bad ever happened to him. I guess that is what love is, the ability to care even when you aren't cared for. Of course it is heart breaking, to be in love but not loved in return, but I remind myself I don't need him. How can two things come together if only one is willing? Venting about it seems to relieve some of the pressure in my chest. I think no matter how strong I try to be I will always love him but I won't forget what he put me threw. There are plenty of others out there and I am not going to let him ruin my chance at happiness.
Monday, October 22, 2012
truly a BEAUTIFUL DISASTER
UPCOMING BOOK OF THE WEEK!
Review on Oct. 29, 2012
This week I am reading Jamie McGuire's Beautiful Disaster. I am super excited about it, I hope that some of you all read it and can comment and discuss it with me on my review next monday!
BOOK OF THE WEEK!
Seriously.. if you have not read THE FAULT IN OUR STARS by JOHN GREEN you are not living.
It insanely good literally staid up all night reading it after studying for a test I have today
Note to you brilliant people who choose to indulge themselves in one of the best books ever:
KEEP FACIAL TISSUES CLOSE AT ALL TIMES TEARS WILL BE SHED.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Friday, October 12, 2012
Don't take my umbrella
When i have my umbrella on a rainy day everything is okay
but when someone takes my umbrella ^ this kid captures my emotion perfectly.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
IM COMIN HOME
OH MY GOSH
MY LOVE IS COMING HOME TO MEEE
you guys.. she is like my other half! I love this girl even though she lives 1,000 miles away!
8 more days!
Clarity Zedd Lyrics
I dive into frozen waves
where the past comes back to life
Fight fear for the selfish pain
it was worth it every time
hold still right before we crash
cause we both know how this ends
a clock ticks till it breaks your glass
and i drown in you again
Cause you are the piece of me
I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly
still fine and I don't know why
if our love is tragedy
why are you my remedy
if our love is insanity
why are you my clarity
where the past comes back to life
Fight fear for the selfish pain
it was worth it every time
hold still right before we crash
cause we both know how this ends
a clock ticks till it breaks your glass
and i drown in you again
Cause you are the piece of me
I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly
still fine and I don't know why
if our love is tragedy
why are you my remedy
if our love is insanity
why are you my clarity
if our love is tragedy
why are you my remedy
if our love is insanity
why are you my clarity
Walk on through a red parade
and refuse to make amends
it cuts deep though our ground
and makes us forget all common sense
Don't speak as i try to leave
cause we both know what we choose
if you pull and i push to deep
and i fall right back to you
Cause you are the piece of me
I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly
still fine and I don't know why
if our love is tragedy
why are you my remedy
if our love is insanity
why are you my clarity
Why are you my clarity!?
why are you my remedy
Why are you my clarity!?
why are you my remedy
if our love is tragedy
why are you my remedy
if our love is insanity
why are you my clarity!?
10-3-12
(before everyone)
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
clarity
a clock ticks till it breaks your glass and i drown in you again
because you are the piece of me that i wish i didn't need
chasing relentlessly still fine and I don't know why
if our love is tragedy
why are you my remedy!?
if our love is insanity
why are you my clarity!?
walk on through a red parade
and refuse to make amends
it cuts deep through our ground
and makes us forget all common sense
don't speak as i try to leave
because we both know what we choose
but if you pull and i push to deep and i will fall right back to you
cause you are the piece of me i wish i didn't need
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Crazy day ahead of me
Guys I have a crazy day tomorrow, please pray I get through it
I have a volunteer project at 8 a.m.
I have a test at 11:30 a.m
I haven't really studied for my test yet so I am super stressed about it. And not that I don't love reading to underprivileged children but the timing isn't good for me and I have a test right after it.
I really hope I am able to retain a lot of information tonight so I won't need to review tomorrow.
I have a volunteer project at 8 a.m.
I have a test at 11:30 a.m
I haven't really studied for my test yet so I am super stressed about it. And not that I don't love reading to underprivileged children but the timing isn't good for me and I have a test right after it.
I really hope I am able to retain a lot of information tonight so I won't need to review tomorrow.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Potentail Cat Names
AKHIL अखिल m Indian
Means "whole, complete" in Sanskrit.
AMALA अमला f Indian
Derived from Sanskrit अमल (amala) meaning "clean, pure".
ASHA (1) आशा f Indian
Derived from Sanskrit आशा (asha) meaning "wish, desire, hope"
BALADEVA बलदेव m Indian, Hinduism
Means "god of strength" from Sanskrit बल (bala) "strength" combined with देव (deva) "god"... [more]
MANI मणि m Indian, HinduismMeans "god of strength" from Sanskrit बल (bala) "strength" combined with देव (deva) "god"... [more]
Means "jewel" in Sanskrit... [more]
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